My 2020 Promise…to myself.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life doing this dance of trying to keep it all together but never being too much. Being helpful and loving people well but trying to never overstep. To be fun without being TOO fun and silly. To be a listening ear to others empowering them while not showing too much vulnerability myself.

My friend took this of me in the lavender fields in September. Among a bunch of photos where I was trying to get a new headshot there was this one where I was laughing at whatever was going on. Me laughing with my full self – but when I looked at it, it felt like I was too much. I actually have a photo almost identical to this one from a shoot 3.5 years ago that I never posted from 3 years ago and many in day to day photos that never hit the ‘gram.

The reality is – this is what I look like when I’m deep down happy and radiating happiness.

Here’s the thing though – I’m most drawn to other people who are radiantly happy but when it comes to myself I fear someone might think I’m too much. So why would something I admire so much in others be the thing I’m afraid of in myself? Why would I think “Maybe if I post a photo that full of joy people will think I’m _(insert: too over the top, obnoxious, etc.). I’ll post one with just a good smile, It looks most put together.”

This year? I promised myself I’m done worrying about anything but showing up unapologetically as me. We’re not meant to be “for everyone” and the older I get, the more okay with that I am.

So if you struggle with this too, I’m here to encourage you to just come as you are. I’ll be right here doing the same darn thing and cheering you on.