The Exhale

There’s a constant “hamster wheel” feeling when you first move somewhere new. It’s when you move to anywhere new really but it’s even more so when you move hundreds or thousands of miles away from everything your past life consisted of. Add in kids and it feels nonstop.

There’s an ebb and flow that comes with finding a new rhythm but it feels like a rushing current in the beginning. A constant just keep your head above water and keep treading feeling. It’s easy for me to default to the unrealistic idea of “when I get caught up to ___ point, it’ll feel easier (or I’ll start a new routine, etc.)”. If we’re being honest though, once we get caught up to where I “need to be” another thing comes down the pipeline. There’s always anything thing to be done, isn’t there?

I expected October 1 to come and it would all just be a magical new beginning. A new month and quarter starting on a Monday. That’s always a good start. October 1 came and while it was a new morning, a new week, a new month, and a new quarter there was not magical start.

The loose ends we’re still just that – loose. Rooms were still unsettled, with clutter and things without a place. I didn’t have everything prepped for an award winning start to official homeschooling. Ryan’s work schedule was still haywire.

I tried to make it all just come together. Autumn was here and it smells like it in our home with blends in the diffuser. Our Fall pieces of decor are out in attempt to make it all feel more normal. To some fashion, it’s all been coming together – all within sight but still not quite there. The task list was still daunting with some bigger projects and the need to accomplish them.

But today? Today the stars all aligned. I’m sitting here writing this on a new week, a week later than expected, and it feels like a large exhale. The start is new and fresh. Finally ironed out. All the living spaces are tackled. Clutter is mostly clear and it.feels.good.

The schoolroom is prepped to a better level. The upstairs is unpacked and organized. The counters are decluttered. Ryan’s work schedule is finally mapped out and on his terms. Routine is beginning and it feels good.

I stood in the kitchen turning out the lights for the night and I looked across the dark house. It wasn’t an intentional gaze but it stopped me for a moment. Everything just felt like ours and it felt like home.

The exhale is finally here and this is home.